EherM eHERm

Summer has finally ended. Sad but true. I didn’t get the chance to go to the beach, but hey! This summer is one heck of a fun ride. This summer was the first time I got make up classes (make that a make up class). I couldn’t imagine myself having one before because I was usually a ‘good’ student, as I thought. Ha! But come to think of it, it wasn’t that bad. It’s just a crank in the head that I must study harder and stop annoyng professors with lame excuses just to get out of her boring subject. Haha! Anyways, I get to dance the night away with the people who rocks! Got the chance to sweat a lot of calories out. (We were actually like sardines in a can. But it was a lot of fun. And I found out that the best dance partners are your bi friends.) Haha! A lot of things had happend and all of it were the most memorable. A few falls and a lot to stand up for. A few tears and a lot of laughs.

This summer, I got to learn about new things and got to meet new people. Got the chance to humble myself and to renew my faith.

The summer I got my confidence back. The summer I got my first back subject. The summer I got my late vacation. The summer I got to dance again. The summer I got deeper with my faith. The summer I have always longed for. The summer that changed my life. Thank you Lord!

*Mary

I’ve been facing weight and self-image issues for the past few days. Issues about dieting. Issues about going to the gym. Issues about my atopic dermatitis. Issues about my weight. Issues about hair. Issues about beauty over talents. Issues about body shape. Issues about skin. It sucks! I’m starting to feel I’m the ugliest being that was ever created. My self-confidence just started to lose its temperature. Sometimes I just wish that I was beautiful rather than talented. Kasi yun naman ang hinahanap ngayon. What’s the sense of having talents, If people don’t give you a chance to shine through? I’m so frustrated. *sigh*

Gaano man kagulo ang buhay, kailangan mo pa ring tumayo para sa mga taong nagmamahal at naghihintay ng pagmamahal mo. Life has  downs yet it doesn’t mean you should stop living kasi may ‘ups’ pa na gustong ipa-experience si God sayo. ^^,

This always happens. Though these things happen, I just laugh it off. You end up liking a certain guy then you’ll find out his heart belongs to someone else. It’s funny. I’m becoming more and more in love with the word Paradox. haha! oh well, life is full of complexities that sometimes just turns into humor.

As we went to nanay Cora’s burial rites, I just couldn’t help but think about how fragile life could be and how every second counts. I overheard people chitchatting and laughing at the back while nanay Cora’s body was being fed to the ground. And I would want to tell them "Where’s your respect?" And I was wondering if what if it happens to them or it happens to me? I’m scared.. I really am. I’m not afraid of dying but of losing someone I hold dear. But whatever happens… I will hold on to God with my dear life.

I overheard people talking about death stuff…. you know… What happens when you die, what would you want your family to do with your lifeless body. I mean would we really care about these things when we die?

All that matters to me now… is spending each and everyday of my life with worth for God to be able to use me to reach out and touch other people’s lives, to be His light and to give God’s given hope to the hopeless and hopeful as well. *sigh* Puno ako ng hinanakit ngayon… Guilt probably.

It hurts so much. So many things to do, So many things to say, So many things to learn but U dont have to do everything….

Ok here is the deal. Why do people keep on telling me to lose weight? They always tell me I’d look better if I lose some "excess baggage". Freak! I will and for those who didn’t accept me for who I am… I get the last laugh! Bwahahahaha. Joke Lang.

Have you ever felt like you would just want to runaway from things you wouldn’t want other people to know? Have you ever felt like people were just using you to fill what’s empty inside of them then after they’ve had their fill they would just dump you or trample on you or worse even spit on your face? Have you ever felt like happy in the outside but hurting deep inside? Have you ever looked in the mirror and say to yourself "Everything’s going to be ok?" but deep inside you don’t believe it? Have you ever felt like crying but you can’t because of being numb? Have you ever felt like you just wanna fly away and just embrace who you are?

wala lang natanong ko lang…

Labas sana tayo.. kain tayo sa Jollibee ♥

Wow its been a long time since the last time I cried. I’m not so strong and ‘numb’ after all. As this day pass by, I know I’ll get over this. I am slowly accepting the fact that he was not meant to be. Sad but true. I’m moving on…*

The person who can actually make u laugh is the one who makes u cry….

I said to myself not to fall for someone… not until I’m pretty sure about what I really feel. Am I being stupid or am I just being careful? I hate it when I have to admit not to have feelings for someone. But sometimes we need to keep our mouth shut… its either they’re going to fall away or stay. Of course, I would choose for him to stay. I would rather keep my mouth shut. You cannot take back words… so I choose neither and just be friends. That’ll be less trouble. Things are better as they are. Am I closing my door? Yes but who says I’m going to lock it up?*

(Click, click) Pinatay ko na ang telebisyon. Wala ng matinong makikita. Masarap humiga. Hindi mo mamamalayang makakatulog ka na lang bigla. Isang mahimbing na tulog. Mahimbing na mahimbing…

Nakaidlip pala ako. Sa sobrang pagod, hindi ko namalayang nabuburyo na pala ako. Wala ng laman ang kasintahan kong bote pati ang tiyan ko wala. Nagrereklamo na ang mga bituka ko tila mga taong nagra-rally para sa sahod at para bumaba sa pwesto ang pangulo. Makakain nga.

Napakatahimik naman ng kantina nila. Nangangalumya ang mga dilaw na ilaw. Malamig ang simoy ng hangin. Nagsisitalsikan ang ambon sa salaming bintana. Ang maririnig mo lang ay ang kaingayan ng katahimikan at ang away ng mga patak ng ulan sa bubungan. Bibili ulit ako ng kasintahan para makahalikan at makakuwentuhan sasabayan ko ng Pork Adobo. (Nguya, nguya) Masarap ang luto. Malambot ang karne. Unti-unti ng napapawi ang reklamo ng sikmura. Tila nakukuha na ang gusto. Maya-maya’y mananahimik na ito. Naaalala ko noon, kuwento ng tatay ko makulit daw ako noong bata pa ako. Kapag hindi ko nakukuha ang gusto ko, nagrereklamo ako. Naaalala ko pa yun at nandidiri ako sa sarili ko. Buti na lang sinanay niya ako sa hirap at lumawak ang kaisipan ko. Sa mumunting tinig ng hirap, natuto akong magpakumbaba.

Ano naman ang pwedeng gawin? Ayun! Diyaryo. Magbabasa na lamang ako. Headlines: Balita mamaya, Ngayon ang broadcast! Akalain mo yun! Mamaya pa lang mangyayari, ibabalita na ngayon. Natural na talaga tayo sa paggawa ng balita. Chismis pa lang, bagong bago ang kanin ihahain. Malikot din kasi ang isipan (at dila) natin. Sana nga lang ginagamit sa magandang paraan. Uy! horrorscope… Ang sabi dito magkakapera daw ako kung magtatrabaho ako. Malamang! Nakakatawa ang mga bagay na ito. Sinasabi nila ang mga bagay na alam na sa simula pa lamang. Ginagawang katawa-tawa at katanga-tanga ang mga tao. Sana walang utu-utong mahulog sa patibong na ito. Palagi sa aking sinasabi na tayo daw ang magdidikta ng kapalaran natin. Tayo. Binigyan tayo ng karapatan upang maabot ang mga pangarap natin ngunit alam naba natin ang mga responsibilidad?

Hawak ang kasintahan kong bote at busog kong kalamnan. Balak ko na namang matulog pero nagigising ako sa ingay ng mga nagsisigawang naglalaro ng online games dun sa computer shop. Kung magmura parang may kaaway at parang walang ibang tao doon. May tama pa rin ata ako. Nakakarinig ako ng mga ayaw kong marinig.

Kahit papaano nalimot ko ang kalungkutan nadarama. Pinasan ako ng silid na ito. Pinakinggan. Pinakain. Pinaidlip. Daig pa ang taong humihinga, may puso at isipan. Daig pa ng mga taong nagbubusina sa labas, daig pa ang mag asawang nag aaway dahil sa babae. daig pa ng mga naghihiyawan sa computer shop, daig pa ang magkasintahang nagtatalik, daig pa ng natutulog, daig pa ng nagdarasal, daig pa ng tahimik na nangangarap at higit sa lahat daig pa ako… wala man siyang buhay, puso’t isipan pero marunong makinig.